Showing Up Fully and Coming Out of the Spiritual Closet

Truth Love and Connection

 

Showing Up Fully

I’ve always been highly sensitive. Even as a small child I felt way more than others thought I “should”. I would walk around with a constant wounding from all that I picked up and carried as my own.

I was told repeatedly that the problem was me. That I was too sensitive. That I was responsible for the pain I felt.

So, like many, I learned to shut it down.
To numb. To insulate. To hide.

I came to understand the hard way (which I’m starting to think is the only way to understand) that this is not sustainable.
It’s actually impossible.

I was not built to not feel.
Denying and ignoring this truth is what eventually broke me.

For the window into that experience, please read this: http://www.truthloveandconnection.com/my-story-the-short-v…/

This cracking open, this baptism by fire, forced me to feel everything I had been avoiding. Forced me to deal with the discomfort of healing.

Through this painful, accelerated growth I learned how to process, to feel what I felt and not hold onto it as if it were my own. I learned to release. And through that practice, came to understand the incredible power of heightened sensitivity.

~

I had thought that Truth Love and Connection (a movement I started about a year ago) would be centered around Postpartum mental health and trauma recovery. Since that had been the catalyst for my intense growth. I expanded my knowledge and advocacy in this area. I pursued it diligently because I assumed this transformative experience would become my life’s work.

I came to discover, through persistent pursuit of what felt in alignment, that this had been the vehicle to get me to my knowing, not the actual work I am meant to do.

Coming Out of the Spiritual Closet

This journey has taken me down a powerful path of spiritual connection. I’ve spent the last two years diving deep into many ancient cultures and practices. Studying earth based religions and shamanism. Participating in Native ceremonial work. Studying current thought leaders in consciousness. And looking for the universal concepts throughout them all.

A couple weekends ago I participated in an intimate circle of highly conscious women in sacred ceremony. We built a massive Tipi and held ceremony with all women. Only women. Led by medicine women.
I was honored and humbled to witness every woman there surrender to deep release and transformation.

Professionally, I’m also a healer. In the last year I’ve been working in Hospice and have found the work to be incredibly meaningful.

When I was younger I found this constant giving to be extremely depleting. A natural impulse that left me empty. Many of you understand this exhaustion well.

I’ve learned that just as I was not responsible for everything I felt, these feelings and beliefs were not truly of me. They were not mine.

The trick, the elevation in consciousness, comes from differentiating what’s yours and what’s not.
Once you get that figured out you can feel into the universal connectedness of everything.

Everything is energy. Regardless of what you believe, this is an earth based fact. Everything you see. Everything you don’t. And for those of us that are highly sensitive, we already innately knew this.

The ability to identify what was mine and what was separate led me to understanding how to tap into a universal source of energy. A new modality of healing.

Call it energy work, healing, prayer, intention, meditation, the words don’t matter.

Since this source energy was not of me, opening it to others never left me depleted. Becoming a channel for source energy meant I could fill myself up first, then fortified, healed, I could let this infinite source of light and love overflow from me.

The healing energy was not of me, but through me. So in this practice, the healer is also healed.

~

Pursuit of clarity and intention to embody my highest purpose has led me to remembering who I truly am and what my purpose is in the world.

This is what I do. Who I am. I have a huge capacity for holding space for others.
I am a bearer of light, and my job is to help others be the same.

If you’re still reading this, chances are you are also a light worker. And if you are, you’ve experienced a lot of suffering.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You are meant for more.

You can be a clear channel for healing energy. For light. For love.

Together we can anchor in the light and embody the change we hope to see.

I have been developing a program for empaths and sensitives called:
Guided Illumination: Healing the Lightworker.
To learn Mastery of this gift. To evolve from victimhood to Lightworker.

If this resonates with you, please contact me for further support and information.
Truthloveandconnection@gmail.com

Now is the time.

Guided Illumination Journey

Climb Out of Darkness!

Postpartum Progress.org is one of the few major organizations dedicated to raising awareness around perinatal mood disorders.  Every year warrior moms just like you lead climbs all over the world to raise awareness.  The campaign is called Climb Out of the Darkness and it’s a beautiful event and fundraiser where families convene in various outdoor locations to shine some light on PPD.  Last year they raised over $165,000 to increase education and support for women suffering from postpartum depression and other mood disorders.

I love this idea, because fresh air and sunshine are powerful tools in combating depression.  The building of community is another huge piece of the puzzle in reducing stigma and supporting mamas.

Please share the Climb Out of Darkness event and the good work that PostpartumProgress.org is doing.

Anyone can join or donate.

Registration is free, but required if you want to participate.

Together we can!

Climb Out of Darkness Event Page

Our event will be held June 20, 2015, at 10:30 am in Novato, CA at Rush Creek Trail.  See link for details!

The Pachamama Alliance

Today is Earth Day.

Many of us will proclaim our commitment to the planet by posting pictures of our home planet on social media.  We will hold up our reusable water bottles with pride and maybe consider investing in a home composter.  But there’s so much more that needs to happen beyond our own backyards.

The Amazonian rainforest of Ecuador is home to a mystical, dream-driven, tribal people called the Achuar.

In recent decades, the indigenous people of the Amazon have seen the pollution and destruction of the modern world trickling down into their sacred home.

The Pachamama Alliance works to help establish the rights of the indigenous people so that they can continue to protect the land.  One branch of the organization is the Jungle Mamas, which promotes safe birthing practices by teaching midwifery and obstetrics to maternal health workers.

 It’s not just about supporting the Achuar people and their causes.

earthlungs1

 

Every second, the size of two football fields are destroyed.

Tropical rainforests cover less than 6% of the earth and is home to half of all animal and plant species.  Within that dense, lush greenery are many more opportunities for medicinal discoveries as well as untouched insights into the biology of our natural world.  If none of that matters to you, you should consider whether you like to breathe.  The rainforests have been called the lungs of our planet since they are responsible for cleaning the majority of our air.

Feel inspired to get involved? They even have journeys to the Amazon if you’d like to visit!

Check out all the cool things The Pachamama Alliance is doing: http://www.pachamama.org/

 

Crusade for Kindness

Guest Author, Deni O’Leary, mother of two boys

 

Awareness. I feel like it’s become a buzz word. Everyone wants to raise “awareness”.

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is a great example. Thousands of people dumped water over their heads in the name of raising awareness. I wonder how many people who participated even know what ALS stands for… or know what it is..? Don’t get me wrong; I’m not opposed to the Ice Bucket Challenge, and I believe that awareness can be a wonderful and powerful tool. I, too, have jumped on the “raise awareness” bandwagon. I’ve changed my Facebook profile picture to a puzzle piece and have reiterated the phrase “light it up blue” to raise awareness.

It’s the beginning of April, which kicks off a month of raising awareness for Autism.

Autism.

I feel like that’s become a buzz word, too. Two things ordinary people are probably sick of hearing about: awareness and autism. I totally get it. “Stop ramming this stuff down my throat.” “Please stop asking me to donate a dollar to Autism Speaks every time I make a quick trip to Safeway to buy a $2.30 half gallon of milk.” I feel you. I don’t donate, either, and I have an Autistic child. What’s on my mind right now is the concept of awareness. And instead of changing my profile picture to a puzzle piece, or encouraging all you folks to “light it up blue”, I’d really just like to say a bit about what awareness really means to me.

As my autistic son has grown and evolved, my fears and concerns as a mother have grown and evolved, as well. Where I was once concerned about him ever being able to speak, I’m now concerned about him being able to assimilate into kindergarten, and then beyond that, elementary school… junior high… you get the idea. Those are difficult years for most people; I’m not afraid to admit that they were difficult years for me, and I’m a neurotypical. How is my little guy, who has so little concept of normal social behavior, ever going to make a friend? And for me, that’s where awareness plays a role. If you have children, please don’t forget to teach them kindness.

Compassion and empathy are all too often forgotten and overlooked qualities. I overhear the praises that parents give toddlers in the grocery store and at parks: “you’re so smart! You’re so strong! You’re so clever!” These are great qualities, but don’t forget, “you’re so thoughtful! That was so nice of you! You’re so kind!” Don’t let your own desire for your child to succeed fill him with calloused competitiveness toward the rest of humanity. If your kindergartner brings home an invitation to a classmate’s birthday party, please don’t throw it in the garbage and forget about it because your child says that kid is “weird.” That’s a perfect opportunity to begin a conversation about tolerance and acceptance.

A little bit of kindness can go a long way, and a little bit of cruelty can do irreparable harm.

There are so many things I learn from my 4 year old on a daily basis.. he has so much to offer the world, and he’s delighted to talk to anyone who’s interested in hearing about volcanoes or asteroids or hurricanes or tornadoes. Don’t write him off because he talks differently, or because he makes enthusiastic hand gestures, or because he won’t make eye contact.

He’s full of love and joy, and he never judges.

Please extend him the same courtesy, and encourage your children to do the same!

Awareness. It’s autism awareness month. What I’d really like to do this month is raise kindness. There are so many simple things you can DO to make a positive impact on the life of an individual with Autism, without ever having to give a dime. Be kind, and teach kindness. You may never know how valuable a gift you’ve given.

having a baby changes everything

Having a baby will change your life.

You hear that all the time, but there is absolutely no way to understand how much until you’re living in it.  Before you know it, you become one of those people…

We all know those people. You know, those people. The ones who post every fart their kid has on Facebook.  Their Instagram account is nothing but baby-and-me selfies.  You know those people. The people you found so annoying when you were young(er), single, and childless.

As you clicked “hide status updates” you muttered to yourself, “I really don’t care how potty training is going for you and little Lulu May. More food porn, please!”

But then, the weirdest thing happened.

You became a parent.

Continue reading having a baby changes everything

I’m not a “group” person

I started writing out of necessity.

It didn’t take long to realize that it wasn’t helpful or fair to either of us to continue using my husband as a sounding board.

Every time a tsunami of seemingly irrational emotions would rip the ground from under me, I would write.

I had to get it out, without judgment.  It wasn’t easy (the no judgment part) but it helped. Once the flood would pass I would feel better, but it wasn’t long before another would come. Unprompted. Unexpected. Unwelcome.

Was this normal? Is this what the “postpartum blues” feels like?

I had been forewarned by a girlfriend who had her first child just a few months before that “the blues” included random crying jaunts and other “crazy, emotional” reactions.

Was this that?

~

“How’s it going?” she asked with the sympathetic head tilt and compassionate tone you expect from a mother of four.

“Fine.” I strained to sound convincing.

She smiled with only her mouth, “You sure?”

“It’s hard… but I think I’m…doing okay.” I turned to my husband who was big eyed and biting his tongue.

“Have you gone to any support groups?”

I clenched my mouth shut and shook my head, knowing that I was only one more prompt away from overwhelm spilling out of me.  “I’m not a group person.”

She didn’t buy it. She’d probably heard that from most of her postpartum patients. “I think it would help.”

I looked down at my knees, nodding, knowing she was right. Knowing it would help.  Knowing I had told many of my own postpartum patients the same thing. Not understanding why I was so insistent that I didn’t need help.That I should be able to do it on my own. Wasn’t it normal to feel like I was drowning?

~

My pediatrician had unsuccessfully been putting on meetings for new moms. These meetings were held quite often, discussing topics of nutrition, sleep, postpartum hormones….always with the intent to congregate new moms in a place where they could share their experiences. Get support. Yet, no one attended.

She asked me one day why I thought new moms weren’t showing up for these meetings when they clearly were expressing the need for support during appointments. I thought about it for a moment and came to a very sobering realization.

Shame.

I was afraid to say out loud what I was really feeling.

I was afraid that the world would confirm my fears, that I was selfish. That I was a horrible mother. That I was a horrible person.

That I wasn’t allowed to feel how I felt because I shouldn’t feel how I felt.

We are told that this is normal. We are told that it will pass.  We are told that motherhood is supposed to be blissful, beautiful, the most amazing experience you’ll ever have.  What they rarely tell you is how unbelievably hard it is.

Sure, people with children will tell you, “It changes everything.” This is completely true, but there’s no possible way to understand the depth of these changes until you experience it.

Parenthood has taught me that opinions without experience don’t mean much.

This is why you should always be true to what feels right for you and your family. At the end of the day, listening to those that have been there before can be much more helpful than all the experts with only book knowledge. Ideally, find someone with both.

That’s why Truth Love & Connection exists. Because there is a need for it. We need to blend the collective wisdom of women and parents along with the experts.

This is where the real conversation starts. Let’s be real. Let’s be honest.

Let’s be here for one another.

I’ll hold this space for you. You just need to show up.

Find Your Truth. Live Your Purpose